I am at a loss...
Jack has always been rather well behaved. Yeah, he had his moments, like any kid, but for the most part, he was good. Until a couple months ago. I know they say three is worst than two, but holy cow, I wasn't expecting this. It is getting worse too...
He is completely defiant. He blatantly disobeys, he yells at Ellie and at me, tells me no when I ask/tell him to do anything.... I mean, he has his good moments too, he is a really sweet little boy, but those good moments are slowly being overshadowed by the bad. And I hate that.
I am having a really hard time. We try spanking, time outs, taking away privileges, but nothing seems to work. I am tired of yelling and threatening.... I need to find something that works...
I am sure many of you have been through a similar situation.... how did you handle it? Do you have any tips or tricks I can try? Any books that were life savers for you?
7 comments:
I really gained a lot from "The Heart of Anger." And I completely agree, three has been harder than two for us also (especially with the addition of a younger sibling last year).
~Marie
Hey Katrina....I remember those days with about 3 or my own kids. Also when Hannah and Joelle were living here with us, Hannah seemed to transform for sweet to incorrigible overnight.
Consistency is really the . Child training occurs over time and with repetition. I used a lot of prayer for wisdom too...LOL! You're a good mom and I know it gets tiring. Stay strong and I will continue to send up my prayers for you and your family!!
putting his toys in time out
consistency really helps for me. I nanny and have 5 under 5. I never let a "bad moment" slide. ever. I they say no to me they sit. if they can not apologize afterward they sit longer. etc etc.
Consistency is really the key- yeah even when your tired and just don't feel like the hassle- those times are the most important. If you slack off even once the child reads that and will continue to push your buttons. Stick with it and he/she will get the idea that you are going to stick to your guns.
As a mom with adult children please let me encourage you that though this route is a bit harder (being consistent) in the end it will save you many a heartache.
I know how you feel. I felt like this last year around this time. I remember watching Darryl deliberately stick a little girl friend of ours in the eyes with a croquet handle. I was mortified because I watched him do it on purpose. He was 3 yrs 3 mos at the time. I remember crying because I felt like my sweetheart little boy I loved taking places and sharing with people was turning mean. Especially beacuse that little girl is one of our closest friends! It was a hard reality and I rejected it for a long time. But Katrina, hang in there. It will get worse some days. And some days you'll feel like you've only yelled or punished him and nothing else. But I promise you, even if he has more hard days than easy, the Lord will equip you and help you to change as a mother to handle them. Still, at 4 yrs 2mos, almost an entire year later Darryl and I have battles every day. And that sweet little boy is different. He is more independent, more aggressive, more stubborn and more defiant but my Lovie is STILL in that body and he STILL loves me and STILL loves Preston even when his behavior shows us otherwise. It is hard and emotionally draining, trying and defeating when we watch our little ones gain a sense of self and their personalities start to mold and all we feel is we are losing our precious baby. But hang on. Just like everything, it will pass. It may not be soon and it make take many tears on yours and his part but the Lord gave you him to be his mom. He will give you the strength, wisdom, and patience you need.
Been there! *hugs*
Have you done time-IN? Send them to a quiet spot for them to relax, nap, read, do a puzzle, maybe a snack etc. We call it 'take a break'.
Afterwards I LISTEN to her first, respond with understanding, then with what she could have done, end in prayer snuggles etc.
This way has been so much better. Sometimes she fights the break but she always come out happier. She isn't forced to stay a set time. Sometimes I send my self to the break spot, which helped her at first to see it's a good thing. Now she will send herself when she gets worked up!
Buy and read the book called "To Train Up A Child". We have used it on all our children, and could hardly go ANYWHERE without people commenting on how well behaved our children were. Yeah, you have to spank a LOT when you first start cracking down, but in the end, you get well behaved, pleasant and HAPPY children. By spanking, you are training them to be free of their own passions, and in turn, giving them real liberty. I was so influenced by those books "What To Expect" when they first came out, that when I had my first child, I was taught to think just ignoring his temper tantrums was good. Phew, thank the Lord our Pastor gave us a copy of that book! It does have some old fashioned advice for potty training and such, but if you follow the principles in the book, which are all out of the Bible and be CONSISTENT 100% OF THE TIME....spanking for any and all disobedience, give it a week - you'll have a new child.
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